Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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