I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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