Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
