i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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