just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
two words: eviction party
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
