Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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