fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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