The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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