Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
