yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
