Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
