Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
