i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
