I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
