I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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