take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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