So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
