How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
