i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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