1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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