you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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