His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
