Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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