I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
