you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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