hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The Olympian is in my bed
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
