the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
