umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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