I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
