This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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