what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
