So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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