I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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