talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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