I am puke
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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