Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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