you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
