bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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