a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
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I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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