addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All the doctor said was why
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
