bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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