nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
