Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
