just tell him i said nine months
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
