The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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