Already got asked if we're dating
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
