you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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