woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
