I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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