I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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