I'm eating all of the evidence.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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