dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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