great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
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It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I touched a dick in church today
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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