"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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