Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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