The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
