I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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