1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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