Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
