i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this is an emotional support booty call
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
