he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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