So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
