He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
