i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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