Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
