WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
