apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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